Can't Say

Against Marriage

For Marriage

Introductory Words About Love (by David Straker)

Republished with permission of David Straker of changingminds.org

Love is a massive motivator and can lead people to perform all kinds of self-sacrificial acts.

Three styles of love are (Sternberg):

• Intimacy: Closeness to, and liking of, the other person
• Passion: Intense longing and physiological arousal. Ecstasy on reciprocation, despair on rejection
• Commitment: The readiness to do anything for the sake of the love.

These combine to create seven styles:

• Liking: Intimacy
• Infatuation: Passion alone
• Empty love: Commitment
• Romantic love: Passion + Intimacy
• Compassionate love: Intimacy + Commitment
• Fatuous love: Passion + Commitment
• Consummate love: Intimacy + Passion + Commitment

The games of love are played on six different stages, and individuals will have preferred modes (Lee):

• Eros: Passionate and physical. Looks are important.
• Ludus: Love as a non-serious game. Harm is not intended but often happens.
• Storge: Slow-growing, evolving out of friendship and affection. Similarity is important.
• Pragma: Commonsense and pragmatic. Known conditions must be met
• Mania: An emotional roller-coaster. Stereotyped romantic love
• Agape: Unselfish and giving. Spiritual and other-focused.

Love can be viewed as a form of transference whereby one person puts a part of themselves into another person and then feeling lost without that part, and subsequently feeling whole again when they relate to that person.

Example
Many romantic mismatches occur when partners both state their love for one another, but each is talking about a different style of love. Maybe you have experience of this?

So what? Using it
If you want blind followers, look good and build a passionate image. Otherwise find the history of love of the other person and play to their needs.

Great sales people know that the true secret is to love both their products and their customers. They also know that true love binds, and devious trickery is out of the question.

So what? Defending
If you dive into love heart first, pause first and ask whether the other person is truly committed. Beware of blind love. Love can be the best thing ever, but also know that love hurts, especially when betrayed.

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